Thursday, August 15, 2013

Goodbye to The Goot Life

I have had trouble keeping up with blogging the past year and half due to the craziness in our lives.  I think now that Vannah is getting older and is more involved now with school and sports, that takes up a lot of our time.  Along with miss Heidi who is "that child", the one that runs off, screams, throws temper tantrums, is a total diva.  Basically, have you ever been out in public and there is a kid that just grabs your attention, but because of a negative thing, and so you say to our husband, "oh my gosh, look at that child."  Well folks, I have "that child".  My apologies in advance.

Emmett.  Oh my poor Emmett.  Have you ever just had a feeling something wasn't right?  Well, I was right about something not being right.  Our doctor ordered blood work and everything looked "ok", but I went and got a copy of his results, got on my Down Syndrome board, and called the Lab and asked if the blood was still good to run one more test.  So, Emmetts frickin idiot pediatrician, did what I told her to do and she called in this extra test.  We got the results this afternoon and its not good.  We have to go down to Phoenix Children's Hospital to see some special doctor, with an appointment waitlist of 1-2 months.  But because of the severity of Emmetts blood results, the nurse told me that we might get us in the next couple weeks. 
Hopefully that is the case.  Our insurance is going to pay for a taxi to drive us the 5/6 hours to Phoenix and then back to Bullhead, instead of paying for an out-of-state doctor in Las Vegas, which is only an hour and half away.  (stupid idiot insurance company, right!?)  whatever. (we don't have a car)

Like how we all become busy in life, I have become to busy to blog.  I still journal online and have an anonymous blog where I do record my feelings, I just care to not share them to the public anymore.  If you are my friend on FB, you will notice that I go on to see everyone else, but I rarely post and when I is something funny or newsworthy like a amber alert.  I share my life in one place through social media and that place you will only know if you already follow me.

The last year and half has been pretty hard and my family has received the least amount of support emotionally.  We actually have received pretty harsh judgment, comparisons and pity.  Which makes me want to say back, shame on you!  So self-righteous and holier than thou people!
FYI, There is a major difference between pity and sympathy.
I don't want the pity. I think it is a big reason why I am not going to return to this blog.  So farewell.  It was fun...until is wasn't....

Friday, March 1, 2013


It's so sad that my daughter constantly asks about her uncle.  I'm not one to put my family drama on facebook, but here, yah...i'll do it.  We are estranged from my brother in law's family.  Its quite sad, and apparently it is because we didn't invite them to Savannah's Birthday Party.  Yes, I didn't invite wasn't really a party.  Johnny's parents held a little birthday celebration for Savannah.  No one was there except for them and us.  No other family, no other kids.  Johnny's parents and my brother in law are having issues.  So I just thought the right thing to do, is to keep them seperated.  And I explained that, but apparently they misunderstood or whatever.  But if that was the real reason they were upset with us...don't you think they would say something?
Well, they have decided to completely cut us out of their lives and have never even told us the reason.  I guess I would understand if someone told us why everyone was mad at me and johnny.  Like seriously, what the hell did we do?  I can't stand that people will be mad at someone and not tell them.  Its like...WTF?!
I think the part that hurts that worst is that Savannah has been around her uncle since the day she was born.  We lived with him for over a year.  And all the sudden, she is cut off from him.  She asks about him, looks at pictures of him.  It is quite sad.  He has two step children.. who were Savannah's cousins and I wonder if they ever ask about her.  She asks about them.  And then he had a daughter a year ago with his wife, we were only part of her life for 6 months before they cut us off.  She was too young to remember us.  I wonder if he knows that this is causing his neice pain?  Maybe he chooses to not think about it? 
Why?  What are they so mad about? mad at us, but he has cut off Savannah and I think that is totally wrong.  I think all of Johnny's brother's are wrong.  Actually all of them don't talk to us.  But the one I care about the most is the one I was closest to.  It bugs Johnny too.  But most of all, my daughter is suffering.  She carries around this little police pin and bracelet he gave her.  She knows him and it is sad that he is longer in her life.  She will never know her little cousin.  She lost her step cousins.  And she lost an aunt that i thought liked her. 
I guess not. 
Atleast we have my mother in laws family and my family.  Our family actually believes that, in the end, you are always there for eachother.  It is amazing that johnny's brothers don't believe that.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

The Specials

I am excited to announce that the reality web series, The Specials, will be coming to U.S. Television!  Woot Woot.  If you have read my blog in the past, you might know that I am a mother of a child with Down Syndrome, and shortly after he was born, I was introduced to this web series.

It is about five friends, all with intellectual disabilities, who live in a house together in Britain.  It shows that while they all may have disabilities, they are just like any other young adults; they like to go to parties, bars, see shows, go on vacation, fall in love, fight with friends, deal with family issues. 
While I am not dumb, I know that there will be mean and ignorant people out there who will make fun of this show, I believe the positive impact it will have will be much greater. 

As of right now, they are taking the first season, re-editing it, so there will be 6 half-hour episodes, and then they will also show season 2, which just finished.  They have not announced which network will air it, but it will be in 2013 and I will definitely keep my FB, Twitter and Blog updated to when and what channel it will be shown on.  I hope everyone checks it out.  :)
Also, if you want to watch a small video of introducing each house member, you can go to the link: THE SPECIALS, and scroll to the bottom and there you will find the videos.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Don't even get me started...

I despise Ann Coulter.  More than Nancy Grace, and that is saying a lot because I really don't like Nancy Grace.  But Ann Coulter can suck it and disappear!
I don't even want to explain, google that b*itch's name and you'll understand why.  Yah, I tweeted her classless, disgusting, sorry excuse for a person, saying that she was just that and how she mistakenly calls her HATE Speech, "free speech".  Arg. Wrong b*tch!
I'm done.

Fisher Price, Anthropologie, and American Family Insurance pulled their advertising from her stupid show, so Thank You to them!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I'm going, going, back, back, to...

Cali.  :)

Just to visit though. :(

Just me and the kiddos. 

Johnny isn't able to come. :(  Very sad and very torn about it because I am so excited to go but at the same time, I don't know how I am going to deal.  The only time we have been apart was I was in Mexico with my family for a week when we first got together (we were only together for 3 months and when I came back, he proposed.)  But since then we have never been away from eachother.  When I think about it, I just start crying.  But at the same time, I am so excited to go and spend so much time with family.  Maybe Johnny will be able to come down for a few days on the train or something. 
My mom is coming to pick me and the kiddos up the first week of November.  Another scary part, me and all 3 kids alone.  CRAZY i tell you!  I'm also scared about staying with my mom and step-dad cuz they have never been around Heidi.
And let me tell you, Heidi is crazy.  I'm not kidding!  Savannah was kinda a hard baby cuz she whined a lot, had tummy issues, and has never been a good sleeper.  Emmett was an excellent baby, considering all the surgeries and therapies he had...he was awesome.  Heidi is on a whole other level.  My MIL, who has 14 grandchildren and was around almost all of them when they were babies and actually took care of them as babies, said that Heidi is the most fussiest crybaby she has ever been around.  And she isn't trying to say that mean, she is saying that to let me know that my baby is crazy, and it is okay for me to be going crazy.  Sometimes I'm so frustrated, I just cry while I'm holding her. 

I'm a little nervous about how they are going to react with a major crier in the house.  :/

Wednesday, October 10, 2012


I have so much Anger in my heart.  I have tried to let it go. I need to let it go.  I almost posted on FB about it....(big no-no).  So I have to come here...  Even when there is family drama, I don't name people, but I need to let this out in order for me to move on. 

 I was recently told that my brother in law and sister in law believe that Emmett should be in a "home"...."where he belongs".  I am not going to even begin to describe how much that hurts.  They never really warmed up to him, (and that was fine!  I understand being around a person with a disability is different.  I have never held that against anyone!)
...but to say and mean something so hurtful?  I feel that every hug with him, every word, and every moment (which wasn't a lot in the first place), was fake.  I have cut them out of my life.  It is very sad.  You may say, they are entitled to their opinion. That is fine..but why would they feel the need to share something so hurtful. AND... to anyone reading, would you keep someone in your life that thought YOUR child was an inconvenience and could be disposed of?!  My guess is no.  Family or not...right is right.

I have done everything to get people to accept Emmett, and if they couldn't accept him, then I tried to educate and teach about Down Syndrome.  People with Down Syndrome can live fulfilling lives, have jobs, have relationships, as long as they are in a supportive environment!  For people that are not supportive, I will cut the ties.  And since they believe one of my children is so easy to just "put away"...I shall make it easy for them and not let them see any of my children ever.  I am so done.  I am choosing to take a deep breath...and let it go, let them go, and move on. 

Monday, September 24, 2012

Derrraaama...aka drama

It really sucks that there is so much family drama...and on my husbands side.  Not my side, his side.  It kinda complicates things though that my sister is married to Johnny's cousin.  But me and Jenna never talk about the family drama to keep things between us all good in the hood.
But now even more drama is going down and I get put in the middle of it.  I've always tried to stay out of it, but in doing so, I become an "accomplice by association".  Yeah, I guess that is what we can call it.  I was finally happy that I had a sister in law who understood the position I was in, but I guess it all went out the window, becuz I was recently told that she wanted to kick my ass (yes, kick my ass, can you say ggggghetto!?).  But apparently I pissed her off so much, that it turns out that she also talks shit about me.
Like, why do these girls talk crap?  Like, if you have a problem with me, or i did something to upset you or offend you...then talk to me.  let me know!!!!  But for some reason, they won't.  I just get the silent treatment.  Not saying my family was perfect, but my whole childhood was about family.  I don't remember a Christmas or Thanksgiving, or vacation or birthday without them.  Going to Arizona to my Papa and Gramma's house for Christmas.  Going up to Lake Arrowhead to my other grandparents for Thanksgiving.  Going to Laughlin and Phoenix and Utah for vacation with all my cousins.  We all had boats and jet skis, and sea doos and we went on houseboats.  We stayed in cockroach infested hotels at the lakes.  Skiing and snowboarding up at Snow Valley or in Utah. 
Driving out to Corona before afternoon traffic hit, to go and hang out with my couz hilary!  Sneaking Davis out of his house or helping him ditch school to come and hang out.  LoL. 
All my Utah cousins, the sneakiness and crazy stuff we would do while all our parents were down in Mesquite gambling...(like seriously, what were they thinking leaving all of us home alone!?) 
All I remember is having a great time, I never remember my parents fighting with any of the family members or siblings (and if they did, they hid it well and were able to get along enuff for us to all be around eachother).

I am just sad that the same can't be said now that I am an adult.  I am sad that my kids won't have the wondeful extended family life that I did.  I hope to change that....but I need others to want to change as well.  I'm not sure that will happen...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Making Friends

Making friends...uh, making mommy friends.  It is hard.  It sucks.  Back in Vegas, I would go to all the wonderful parks that they have in Vegas, and there were always tons of moms there with their kids; but they were all clicky and judgemental.  I also think it is harder to make mommy friends because I have a child with Down Syndrome.  And I don't judge those other moms becuz I understand being around a kid or person with Special needs can be an awkward situation, I honestly can say that becuz I used to feel that way.  But with Emmett, he is still like a 1 year old, just a very big 1 year old. 
Right before we moved back to Arizona, I finally found a mommy friend in Vegas and she was totally perfect friend material, and she wasn't intimated or swayed by Emmett, or she was hiding it very well.  But whatever the case, she came on strong, which I liked, cuz I actually asked for her cell phone number.  She invited me and jaw 2 days later to have a BBQ at their house.  But, basically that is when shit hit the fan and Miss Heidi came like 3 weeks later.  We never got to hang out and I was really disappointed over the whole thing.

Now that we are in the AZ, I am hoping through Savannah getting into school and dance, I will hopefully find some nice mommy friends.  I was also going to look into a church here, eh, maybe...Johnny isn't big on religion.  If I can find a church that is more relaxed with an emphasis on a personal relationship with God, then maybe I can get Johnny to attend.  We shall see.

There are mommies out there in the blogosphere and facebook that I consider Internet friends.  But I wish my Internet friends were real life friends, and the worst part is we prolly would be real life friends if I lived in California or one of the states they live in.  I have to admit that one of the things that makes me miss Cali for sure is that I definitely would have mommy friends out there. :(
Does anyone else have issues with finding mommy friends?

Saturday, September 8, 2012

About tha Kids

So I'm giving another update about my kiddos.

First Emmett:  Had initial assessment with AZ Early Intervention...which they call A-zip out here. (alright then).  He will be seen by therapists next week and we will actually start the transition into the education system starting now, to be completed when he turns 3 in January.  Crazy but I am actually beyond pleasantly surprised over how much they actually have their sh*t together.  Yes, I said the shhh word.  But it is true.  A lot about this small town isn't the greatest, but so far Azip is running smoothly.  I am looking forward to meeting Emmett's therapists.

Second Savannah:  She had her combination ballet/jazz class yesterday and Gramma ended up taking her cuz I was dealing with a sick hubby and two little sick babies.  Well, the owner ended up teaching her class yesterday (apparently she teaches all the classes every now and then to observe what the girls have been learning, etc.)  At the end of class the owner told Gramma that Savannah was graceful and a natural and she wants to try to move her into the beginning ballet team.  She might need some private lessons at first to catch up, but we are stoked that we aren't the only ones who see her natural ability.  I was in gymnastics and cheer leading my whole life and my husband wrestled and played football from age 4 to 18.  Of course our daughter will be a natural athlete.  :) 

Third Heidi:  Today we drove up to Vegas so Heidi could have her heart checked out.  Her mitral valve leak closed! Yay!  But she has an ASD, which is stable right now and the Dr. said we don't need to check it for 2 years!  I'm totally fine with that, Emmett has a VSD and he only needs to be checked every year and half, so I am totally comfortable with that prognosis.  She also weighs a whopping 8 pounds 7 ounces, but the Dr. said he thinks she is doing fine and growing good.  During the echo, she held onto the doctors finger and smiled at him the entire time.

Fun fact for ya'll...Heidi's doctor had his fellowship at UCLA (where I received my care as a kid), and also worked alongside my childhood pediatric cardiologist, Dr. Nester.  He said he might have seen me as a kid!  Isn't it a small world?  Pretty neato.  I also met a lady in Henderson, and she also had open heart surgery at UCLA when she was a kid by Dr. Laks, the same surgeon who performed my open heart surgery.  Crazyness.  Pretty cool though.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


Just a quick update before my big post, which will prolly be on Thursday.  Savannah has been in dance a week and half now and she loves it.  She is super adorable and Gramma is obviously having a blast putting her bows and tutu's on her.  On Thursday I will put up an adorable photo of her.  :)  And yes, I'm doing a brag.  I tend to brag a lot about Emmett's milestons and achievements becuase it has taken so much work for him to get there.  I have noticed that I leave my Miss Belle out someimtes...and I shouldn't.  Her achievements don't go unnoticed here and so I'm gonna brag about her a little bit.
Savannah is taking two classes, both are combination classes of ballet, jazz and tap.  Well, the teacher came up to us last week and suggested keeping her in one of the combo classes but then replacing her second class with a ballet/jazz class with the *gasp* 6 and 7 year olds!  *whoohoo*.  She said Savannah had a natural grace and ability and since she listens so well, she thought she could handle her older class.  *hecka yes, big brag i know*
So now she is in the "big girl" class and she did soooo good.  She is even remembering the french ballet terms...which means I had to google them and memorize them. LoL.  I am just happy that she is finally doing something outisde the house that she lvoes.

As for Emmett, I finally contacted Arizona Early Intervention and was so pleasently surprised when the director told us she would come to our home to do his assessment!  That is awesome.  Saves us an hour drive down to Lake Havasu with all the kiddos and Emmett definently feels more comfortable in his own space.  So after his assessment on thursday, I will blog about it.  yay!

Heidi is doing good.  She is smiling a lot now, and even forces a tiny giggle every now and then.  She follows me around the room (with her eyes!) and when I leave the room, she cries.  I am not used to that cuz miss belle and jeg were not that way so she is definetely staking her right as "the baby". 
So more will come thursday!  :)

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Puppy Love

So this post is kinda coming out of left field but it is a discussion that I have had with my MIL several times and I thought I would write a post about it. 
The topic is Puppy Love.
It started a few years ago while watching American Idol.  Yes, American Idol.  Jordin Sparks sang this amazing song, I who have nothing,  and Simon made the comment that she was "too young" to sing that song.  It pissed me off then and it pissed me off last season when Randy Jackson criticized Hollie Cavanagh, for singing I can't Make You Love Me, because supposedly she couldn't sing that song because she didn't know heartbreak and she didn't know true love.  It made me mad because puppy love, or teenage love is so strong and I don't think we should dismiss those feelings in our youth.

 Yes, when we are sixteen we think that what we are feeling is true love, but it isn't until we are older that we really discover what love is all about and what it takes to make a relationship work and flourish.  But, I still fully believe that puppy love is one of the strongest loves there are!  When you are 13 or 16 or 17, hormones are raging, we don't think with logic, and all rationale goes out the window.  You feel that when you hear a love song on the radio, that song is about you, that song was written for you, for the one you love.  You truly believe that you will be the couple to last forever.  (yes I know it happens, but I find it a rarity *wink*@mrs.holmes)

One thing I remember and am grateful for is my mom during my teenage years.  Cause even though I was a little biotch to her, when I would come home crying or when I was being dramatic about a boy situation, my mom would always listen and be dramatic with me.  I never got the "oh, this will pass." or "When you are older, it will be silly that you cried over this boy" or "you don't see it now, but one day..." or "you won't be together forever".  Because even though these statements may be true, when you are a teenage girl, only what you are feeling in the moment is true and these statements don't make us feel better. 
I plan on being there for Savannah the same way my mom was there for me.  I don't want to belittle her feelings, I want to make it okay to cry and be upset and get mad and she will eventually get over it; because I did. 
Has anyone else ever thought about this and how they will react with their daughter in the future?

Monday, August 27, 2012

am I titanium?

You shout it loud, but I can't hear a word you say.
I'm talking loud, not saying much...
I'm criticized.
But all your bullets ricochet.
You shoot me down, but I get up.
I'm bulletproof; nothing to lose,
Fire away!  Fire away!
Ricochet; you take your aim,
Fire away!  Fire away!
You shoot me down, but I won't fall.
I am titanium.
You shoot me down, but I won't fall.
I am titanium.
Cut me down?
But it's you who'll have further to fall:
Ghost town and haunted love...raise your voice!
Sticks and stone may break my bones,
I'm talking loud, not saying much...
I'm bulletproof; nothing to lose,
Fire away! Fire away!
Ricochet; you take your aim,
Fire away! Fire away!
You shoot me down, but I won't fall.
I am titanium.
You shoot me down, but I won't fall.
I am titanium.
I am titanium.

Friday, August 24, 2012


So we are still adjusting to the quick move.  We are currently awaiting for Johnny's certification endorsement from Nevada to come through so he can work at a hospital here in Arizona.  It took 3 months when we had moved to Nevada 3 years ago, so I am assuming it will take that long again.  Arg!
We got Savannah on the preschools waiting list.  And they said on average, the first month, they have 10 - 15 kids drop out and that Savannah should be able to start soon.  If you are wondering why she is in preschool still.  Arizona is stupid and the cutoff date for kindergarten is that she has to be 5 years old by September 29!!  The cutoff in California is like December!  Can you believe she missed the cutoff by 4 days!  Arg again.  So now she has to do another year of preschool.  Oh well. 
So we decided that we were going to try to put Savannah in an extracurricular activity.  In Vegas, there was so much for kids to do; in this small town, there is limited sports and activities so we decided to shoot for cheerleading (just like her mama). Well, apparantly, becuz Savannah isnt currently 5 years old, they will not let her sign up for any fall sports.  None.  She has to be five before the season begins!  WTF.  Arg AGAIN!  and then I felt bad for Savannah cuz her cousins got to sign up for football and cheer. 
At this point, I think my MIL was even more frustrated and sad for Vannah than I was.  She said "we are signing her up for something today!  she needs to be in something!"  So I called one of the local dance studios that we had looked at a few months back.  I asked if they have classes available for 4 year olds, who will be turning 5 in a month and she said yes.  So we went straight there.  Gramma was a "tad" determined and we ended up signing her up for 2 classes a week.  But hey, she is excited and happy and starts on Tuesday.  Yay for extracurricular activities!

Now on to Emmett and getting his therapy set up!  :)

Monday, August 13, 2012

Down with the BHC

We have moved back to Arizona.  It happened very quickly.  We really didn't have a choice in the matter to be honest.  But I am okay with everything that has happened.  Since my husbands hours at work were cut, we had to move out of out apartment and once again, move in with my in-laws.  Without them, we would be homeless.  I am truly grateful for them.  We are currently staying in their home here in AZ, but we hoping that things will fall into place and we could have our own home before Christmas; but if it doesn't happen that soon, i am okay with that.
I don't want to get into all the details becuz its just stressful and depressing.  The point is we are back in BHC.  Our goal here as a family is for Johnny to get on at one of the hospitals here, get Vannah started in preschool in a few weeks, get Emmett's EIP started, and start living.  Embrace our life here and not plan.  Every time we plan for what we want or would like to happen, our lives come crashing down.  Our new outlook is to not have a 1 year plan, a 5 year plan or even a 10 year plan.  We just want to concentrate on living a more simpler, quieter life in this small and simple town. 

I am going to try to take my blog in a different direction.  I want to keep updating about my family, but also about our new life.  Jaw and I feel like we have been to hell and back, and we are taking some steps back and in a sense, starting over.  Did I think this is where we would be 6 years  But sometimes you just have to start over. 

Miss Heidi is doing wonderful.  The one complaint I have is that she is a drama princess!  She is a cry baby.  I was blessed with two babies that never cried, so God must be messing with me, cuz she is a crier.  It doesn't stress me out at all, but Emmett starts "scared crying" becuz he thinks she is being hurt and that makes me sad cuz he is genuinely scared when she starts screaming crying.  She is also very spoiled. She loves to be held.  Of course all babies do, Savannah liked to be held too and she was our first born so she was tad spoiled. But Heidi takes the cake! (thank goodness for my sleepy wrap), I think it may be my fault she is like this cuz I put her in the wrap like from day one.  oops! 

Emmett is adjusting well to the move.  We have started picture flash cards with him and he is paying attention to them and our mouths, so I believe this will be some good therapy.  He also has a play yard that he pulls himself to stand and walks around.  I know he is going to walk soon. I can feel it.  He goes into the school system when he turns 3 and I just hope he can walk by then.  If not its okay, It just make me nervous for him to go to a daycare or preschool and not be walking.  The whole thing is nerve wrecking.  And speaking of preschool, I am hoping that they have preschool available for Emmett.  I already checked in therapy and he definitely will be getting physical therapy.  But it is going to be one of those things we will have to deal with living in a small town.  We are going to have to be emmett's main therapists and educators. :)

Savannah is adjusting just fine with the move to BHC.  Her cousins live here and her uncle Ro and aunt Jauna, who she loves.  And she loves living with Gramma...of course.  She is excited to start school and we are going to start her in dance classes.  Which we tried to do in Vegas but something was always coming up and we kept pushing it off.  Her birthday is in less than 2 months so she needs to get some friends to invite.  Its a big one too...number 5!  Let the party planning begin! ;)

More to come....

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Heidi Grace Gutierrez

Miss Heidi Grace Gutierrez was born on June 29, 2012 at 5:57 PM.  She weighed in at 5 pounds and 8 ounces.
This is going to be long, as usual birth stories go. I had been feeling short of breath... or more like a gasping for breath that i didn't have with vannah or jeg.  So at my 37 week appt. When we told the perinatalogist, he did an amnio to check babys lungs so that this breathing issue wouldn't turn into something more serious.  That night we got the results that her lungs were mature enough to deliver so it was a go and my csection was scheduled For the next evening. We were so excited. I came into the hospital with such a great outlook. Such a positive and happy feeling of knowing that in a few hours, my daughter and last child would be here with me. I remember everything from this csection.  When having Vannah and Emmett, once they pulled my babies out and showed me them, i don't remember anything.  I can remember everything from the OR and recovery this time around.  The doctors were great and the nurses were awesome.  I was definentely taken care of.  They even kept me on the L&D floor after my C-section instead of moving me up to the Maternal floor, becuz L&D is down the hall from the NICU.  Which was closer and easier walk for me to go see Heidi. 
Now back to the birth.  One they pulled Heidi out, she was definently having some breathing issues.  She didn't cry or scream and right away they said "blue baby" (which scared me at first becuz those are the words they used when I was born, before shipping me off to UCLA for my heart).

They worked on her for 20 minutes doing suctioning on her lungs and CF compressions.  It is normal thing for c-section babies to have some breathing issues when they are born, just as Savannah had, so I wasn't too worried at that time.  Johnny just talked with me while they worked on her.  I just asked him to distract me from the ongoing surgery and what was going on with Heidi just a few feet from me.  Once she was okay, they brought her over to me for pictures and kisses, before her and Johnny were taken over to the NICU.
My c-sec took a little longer because they also had to remove the cyst on my ovary so I just relaxed and tried to sleep, like I did with my other two, but for some reason, I couldn't fall asleep.  It was quite frustrating.

Once in recovery, Johnny got to see me and gave me an update on our girlie.  She was on full oxygen and was recieving fluids, nutrition, and antibiotics, but she was doing good. 
Since this was my 3rd C-section, it was all quite routine.  I knew how much I could push myself to get up and walk around, how much pain medicine I should be taking, etc.  I actually did very well this time around and I actually was allowed to see Heidi late that night, but waited till the morning, just becuz I was tired and so was Johnny. 
We went to see her on Saturday and it was so amazing. She looks exactly how Savannah did as an infant. She was off the oxygen, but she had jaundice and was on phototherapy the whole time she was in the NICU and PICU; but she would not eat and was on full g-tube feedings.  Over her time in the NICU..she lost a whole pound!  She was now under 5 pounds and the doctors suspected a heart problem; even with the fetal echo she had, Children's Heart Center came in and did another echo.  Whoa to the ness and big time shock...they found something.  She has a mitral valve leak.  WTF?!  Becuz of this exact incident, I am now going to have Savannah checked out in a couple of months when Heidi and Emmett have their echos.  2 out of 3 kids have heart conditions...yah, better double check Miss Belle then. 

I was discharged from the hospital a couple days later and doing great.  But Heidi had to stay.  I don't care if it is 6 weeks in the NICU like Emmett or 6 days...not being able to bring your child home with you is devastating.  The nurses all joked that Heidi was a piece of cake compared to Emmett.  Totally not true.  Any amount of time you have to see your child sick and in the hospital is horrible.  HORRIBLE! 
On July 4th, She was up to 5 pounds and 1 ounce and because we kinda fought for her to come home, the doctors went ahead and discharged her.  I think they trusted me and jaw more becuz johnny works there and becuz of our experience with Emmett.  That was definently fine with me!  She eventually started feeding and even though she had a few troubles once we had her home, each day she got better and better and now she is a pro.  :)

I am happy that I remember so much and I am so happy that this little girl is in our family.  I now feel like our family is complete.  So much has happened since she was born I am going to have to blog a lot this week to catch ya'll up.  We moved 2 weeks after she was born, out of VEGAS!  thank goodness.  Everything that has happened after she came was never part of our plan but things happen for a reason and I am starting to see light at the end of our tunnel.  I think we just needed some "woosaaah" time and hopefully it will start here.  I will be posting a few times this week going over everything.  lolz.  its quite a ride.