We are back from California and it was a great week and weekend. The shower was great. It was great seeing my family. Disneyland was awesome and fun. Just being back in California is awesome. And as usual...whenever we come home from visiting family in Cali, I get depressed. This time it is pretty bad. I feel alone and it sucks. I would post pics from Cali but my camera died and I can't find the cord to hook it up to the computer and there is no way I am going to spend money to buy a new one. It will turn up. Now While I had a blast in California there is something someone said to me while I was down there and I can't stop thinking about it and I know now that I can't say anything about it to this person becuz they will just think i'm acting crazy; (which I might be).
I offered to help someone with something, (doesn't matter what it is), but I was offering becuz I am nice like that and do you know what this person said? They said, "oh yah, you have time, you just stay at home."
*WINCE*.....ouch.
I just smiled.
Oh what a different person I have become, becuz a few years ago, I would have said or yelled, "EXCUSE ME?!!!" and then proceed to tell this person that I may stay at home but my day is full of work and constant cleaning.
I mean hellooo...the only luxury or "hobby" I have is blogging. NO JOKE. It is the only selfish thing I do. and I usually do it late at night...like 3 am, while this person is getting their full 8 hours of sleep. But I just have to let it go. The things we never say. Life is not perfect. I love my husband, I love my kids, and I can accept las vegas and we can make it work here but deep down, I HATE LAS VEGAS.
Not saying that I have it the hardest becuz I know compared to a lot of women out there...i have it great. But I am down right now and I just need to let it out. right now I have 2 kids who are not in school. I have a little girl who is jealous of her younger sibling, who i am trying to teach her letters and numbers, but who wants to be entertained 24/7 and has no friends so mommy has to entertain her and play with a 3 year old, even though, I am also watching my 1-1/2 year old son who has a disability. And I always downplay his Down Syndrome but he does have a hard time!! he has learned to roll and army crawl, but who can't talk, not even say mama, and who goes after cords, can only eat pureed food, can't hold his bottle up all the way by himself so I am constantly feeding him and he doesn't have that great of a suck so his milk spills on everything....we have tried every single diaper and doubling up...he pees out of his diaper a few times a day and no matter what we do and wets his bed so I do blanket and towel laundry EVERY SINGLE DAY...on top of my normal household chores. we do not have a dishwasher so I hand wash everything and it gets old handwashing everything several times a day.
We live in a very old mobile home, that has a lot of problems...we can't afford to buy a brand new one so over the past couple years, we have been slowly fixing things..but everytime we fix something, another thing breaks and we feel like we are living in the money pit.
and I have a son who cannot be out in the Las Vegas heat for long periods of time becuz along with Down Syndrome came a super sensitivity to the sun. So there are not a lot of places I get to take my kids and I can't go to the inside parks with air conditioning, beucz it costs money. money we do not have to spend on a luxury like that. We also have one car. one. oh yes...i have it so easy becuz i don't have to wake up for work in the morning.....i just wake up 4 times during the night to tend to my daughter who had a nightmare or wet her bed, or my son, who stopped breathing from his apnea or needs a diaper change becuz his wet cold diaper woke him up.
I'm not one to brag about how hard we have it but just the fact that this person thought 'oh her life is so simple...she just stays at home with her little kids is so easy.' bull-crap. my life is not bad. There are good times and great times every single day with my family, but it is not easy. I thought my life was so hard back living in California before I met Johnny and had kids. Wow. Not at all. It just pisses me off that this person who does not have kids thinks i have it so easy. i shoulda told her then. and maybe she will never know until she has a family taht she has to take care of and she will probably have to work and probably miss out on a lot and I will feel sorry for her.
yah not allowing comments on this one...sorry ya'll
